Blond Bar Joke

Man walks into a lesbian bar, says to the massive tattooed blonde six footer at the bar 'would you like to hear a Blonde joke?'. She looks at him angrily and says 'See that blonde sitting next to you? Well she's a black belt in karate, that blonde by the window? She's a marine. The two blonde bouncers over there by the door, well they're man-hating female cage fighters. Now, do you still want to tell your joke?'
Man says 'Noooo, I'm not explaining the punchline 5 times!'.

Grocery Store Drunk

A woman was shopping at her neighborhood grocery store where she put the following items in her basket:

One dozen large eggs, One pound of Swiss cheese, One box of brownie mix, One twelve pack of soda, Two pounds of coffee, One gallon of whole milk.

As she was placed her items on the conveyor belt at the checkout, a drunk man standing behind her watched very closely. As the cashier was totaling her items, the drunk calmly said,"You must be single."

The woman was taken off guard, but she was intrigued by the drunks prediction, since she was in fact a single girl. She looked at her food items on the counter and saw nothing unusual about her purchase that could have informed the drunk that she was single.

Curiously, she said "Yes, you're right. But how in the world did you know that?" The drunk slurred, "'Because you're ugly. "