The All Inclusive Joke

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an  Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, an Hungarian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several  Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a  Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan,  a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a  Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a  Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman  Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an  Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an  Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a  Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an  Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a  Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a  Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a  Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a  Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African, walk into a bar.

"I'm sorry," says the bartender, after scrutinizing the group. ....."You can't come in here without a Thai."

Sent by Mark

What Does An Alcoholic Look Like?

Close your eyes and try to imagine what an alcoholic looks like. Do you see a skid row bum wearing a raggedy old trench coat? Maybe he has a scraggily beard, sitting on the sidewalk with a bottle in a brown paper bag?  That’s what many people envision.  The truth is an alcoholic could look like your doctor, attorney, teacher, a celebrity, or your next door neighbor.  Alcoholism does not care who you are and cares less about your industry or profession. It doesn’t care if you are a mom, a dad, a teenager, or someone’s grandpa or grandma.

Alcoholism is a disease recognized by the American Medical Association since 1957. It’s the only known disease to man that will tell you you’re all right when you are not. It’s progressive and patient.  Alcoholism is a chronic, many times relapsing disease of the brain that causes a compulsive obsession to drink alcohol, in spite of the harmful consequences.

Lots of people don’t understand alcoholism.  They believe the alcoholic lacks the willpower to stop drinking.  The truth is it has nothing to do with willpower. For those people that believe an illness can be cured with willpower I suggest they use willpower to cure their next dose of diarrhea.

Alcoholism is a disease of the body and the mind. It can be caused by genetics and/or environment.  Some agree that “Genetics load the gun and environment pulls the trigger” while others will say "Genetics loads the gun AND pulls the trigger; environment only determines when the trigger is pulled and how many "shots" are released at any one period of time." How much does your environment affect the outcome of your disease? It’s unclear.  My family has a history of alcoholism and my parents divorced when I was 11 years old. Both of my parents owned bars in separate neighborhoods on the south side of Chicago so I grew up in bars as a teenager. I have no doubt that if my parents didn’t own bars I still would have become alcoholic, only it would possibly have happened at a later age.

No one knows when they cross the imaginary line into alcoholism but once you cross it you can never drink like a regular person again. Usually you’re the last one to know you have the disease. Your family, friends, and employer know you have a drinking problem but the alcoholic is in denial.

I had emotional problems long before I ever picked up a drink.  Alcohol wasn’t my problem; it was my solution.  From a very early age I felt like I didn’t fit in. I was a shy kid who never knew the right thing to say. At 13, when I had my first drink I thought I had found the magic cure to my personality disorder.  That cure worked for a lot of years but by my early twenties I found myself drinking in the morning before work, during lunch, and going to the bar directly after work. At 24 I was hospitalized for stomach ulcers and at 25 I entered my first rehab for alcoholism.

It took me a long time, and multiple rehabs, to discover there was a real solution. The solution was ‘Change’. I had to change everything. I had to admit my faults, work on correcting them, and get honest with myself. I had to let go of resentments and realize I was powerless over people, places, and things.  The bottom line is I had to learn to accept life on life’s terms and come to the realization that no one was doing anything to me; they were just doing it.

It doesn’t matter if you get sober using the 12-Steps, your church, addiction therapy, alcoholism rehabs, anti-depressant/anxiety  medications, or all of the above as long as you understand you can’t do it by yourself. Most of us had problems from an early age and we just never fully developed. Once we start to zone in on ‘why we are what we are’ only then do we begin to get better. 

Enter the Rehab Humor Best Bar/Addiction Joke Contest-WIN a copy of Trust Me I'm An Alcoholic

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Alcoholic Humor and Rehab Humor sponsored by Diligent Management and Consulting Services are having a BEST BAR - ADDICTION JOKE CONTEST!!! Contest Ends at Midnight May20, 2012. 

Have Fun and Good Luck! 


This promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Facebook. You are providing your information to Diligent Management & Consulting Services and not to Facebook. Diligent Management reserves the right to use any jokes entered in posts, publications, or any other form of electronic or printed media it sees fit and owns all rights to entered content for these purposes. The information you provide will only be used for email updates regarding the disease of drug addiction and nothing will be mailed to the snail mail address you provide UNLESS you are chosen as a winner. If you are chosen as a winner your prize will be mailed to the address we have on file.
Contest Rules

Contest begins on May 12, 2012
Contest ends on May 20, 2012 (midnight)
Jokes MUST be related to addiction or alcoholism
There is only ONE Winner
Vote as often as allowed
Winner is chosen by votes cast by Fans and NOT by Diligent Management and Consulting Services.
Contestants earn ten extra points for each friend they refer to LIKE this page
Winner will be announced on May 21, 2012 by DMCS
The winner of a tie will be chosen by DMCS
No purchase is required to enter
Play nice
DMCS reserves the right to change these rules at any time to resolve any disputes or cancel contest and start a new contest if unforeseeable circumstances arise due to the fact that this is its first Facebook contest creation and errors are unlikely but could occur.
Winner will receive a copy of Tom Cahillane's new book published by DMCS, 'Trust Me I'm an Alcoholic'