Irish Prostitute

Irish Lass
The Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily saying, "Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff,....Dad....I became a prostitute.."

"Ye what? Out of here ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family!"

"OK, Dad-- As ye wish, but I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a £1million bank account. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible parked outside plus a membership to the golf & country club...(takes a breath)... And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera ."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" Asks Dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff sniff... A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, Girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!

Forwarded by MJ

Bar Waitress

bar waitress
A man and a woman were dining at a local bar. Their waitress, taking an order at a nearby table noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. The woman sitting across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman,

"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly,

"No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Forwarded by R.K.