Fight Like A Man

There were three men talking in a bar. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third man remained quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.

Aunt Mary

A teacher gave her class of 10 year olds an assignment... To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Maureen said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'

'What's the moral of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'

'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next young Tess raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'

'That was a fine story Tess.'

Michael , do you have a story to share?'

'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Mary. Aunty Mary was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'


'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'


'Stay the heck away from Aunty Mary when she's been drinking.'

The legal drink

The bartender asks the man sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The man says, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be six dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "He's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me out of a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in this bar again."
The next day, same man walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the nerve to come back!"
The man says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the man replies, "Thanks. Make it a scotch."