My Mid-Life Crisis at 50

I'm may be going through a mid-life crisis but I'm really all crisis'd out. I'm not complaining and I gotta say it feels pretty darn good not to have any major drama going on inside or out. In a few weeks I'll be 51 years young. I don't feel 51...more like late 30's.

I guess I'm at a point in my life where I feel the need to meet a girl half my age and go backpacking through Europe. But I'm not very fond of backpacks or hiking. So I guess I'd just settle for a girl half my age. Actually I wouldn't have anything in common with a girl half my age. She'd want to listen to rap and talk about the Twilight Series. I don't listen to rap very often but I did see the latest Twilight Saga. I didn't understand the movie and I just assume that the reason is I'm 50.

Maybe I should do what my dad did when he had his mid-life? He decided to go to County Kerry, Ireland and be a cattle farmer in his late fifties. He loved small towns where everyone knew everyone but he lived in Chicago. He was a cattle farmer when he was a kid. I gotta give him credit because he lived his dream. One morning he must have woke up and told himself that it was time to be a cattle farmer. I flew over to see him when he was already a month or two into it. Every morning we would drive out and count the cattle to make sure one of them didn't jump the fence on account of they're expensive as hell, and you really don't want to lose any. Cattle move around a lot, they all look alike, and they're hard to count. They kinda sorta smell too. I learned very quickly to ask my dad how many he counted and just agreed with that number.

I still haven't figured out what my dream is yet. Some days I want to move to Santa Monica and just hang out at the pier everyday. Other days I want to live in Acapulco and sell fake gold trinkets to tourists on the beach. I guess the common denominator here is my dream is to be by the ocean. The motion, the ships, sand, and shore all fascinate me.

So I guess I need to figure out how to make a few bucks in either Santa Monica or Acapulco. Cause I'm gonna have to support this mid-life crisis thing. Maybe it won't be Santa Monica because now when I think of California I think of the song, "West Coast Girls" by Katy Perry. I hate that song! I really hate that song. You know why? Because I'm 50. But we won't let Katy Perry ruin my dream damm it. Besides if I move to Mexico I'd have to learn to speak the language. That country is so beautiful its almost worth it. I guess I'm gonna have to do an infomercial to support my mid-life. Sell something. But infomercials are a risky business. Only 1 in 4 are successful. But I'm a pretty confident guy and I think I could pull it off. Maybe I could do one of those get rich quick videos like the one that Tom Vu, the Vietnamese guy did about real estate back in the eighties? Surrounded himself with luxury's and beautiful women and said, "You want to be rich like me?" All I'd have to do is learn about real estate, luxury's, and beautiful women. It could happen.

Maybe I could do an infomercial about how to be a cattle farmer? Technically, I did help bring them to market one day so I have experience. "You want to be a rich cattle farmer like me?" "I can show you...just send $199 in three easy payments to Pier 69, Santa Monica, California!"

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