Source: The Smoking Gun - DECEMBER 10--During a recent traffic stop, a Wisconsin motorist who has nine prior drunk driving
John Przybyla was pulled over by a cop who spotted the 75-year-old’s vehicle driving erratically. When the Adams County Sheriff’s Office deputy approached Przybyla--who was driving on a revoked license--he recognized the “smell of a moderate odor of an intoxicating beverage emitting from his breath.”
Przybyla’s eyes were also bloodshot and glossy, according to a police report detailing the 2:30 PM traffic stop. During field sobriety tests, Przybyla “showed impairment.” Additionally, Deputy Brian Loewenhagen found an open can of Red Dog Beer on the truck’s passenger seat.
When the deputy asked Przybyla (seen above) how much alcohol he had consumed, “John said he had not been drinking,” adding that he was heading home after attending an October 12 fish fry. Przybyla, Deputy Loewenhagen reported, “said he wasn’t drinking and had beer battered fish.”
Przybyla, who himself appeared to be beer battered, was arrested after failing the field sobriety tests. While a Breathalyzer test recorded Przybyla’s blood alcohol content at .062--below the .08 limit--his history of DWI convictions prohibits him from driving with a BAC above .02.
Along with his tenth drunk driving charge, Przybyla was booked on several other counts, including driving with a revoked license and possessing an open can of beer in a motor vehicle.
Przybyla, who lives in the village of Friendship, is next scheduled for a January 21 court appearance.
Thanks Joe L. for forwarding!
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
Thanks Bill S.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says: "I think I can get you out."
So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."
The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Thanks Phil R.
A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Irishman standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.
The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
The Irishman man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I
spit on your ties. I need water!”
"Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only $5." "Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but . . . I must conserve my energy and find water!"
"Okay," said the little old Irishman. “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace."
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.
Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped,
"They won't let me in without a tie!”
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' toyer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on this god's earth are dey for?"? Inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman,
"Mercedes thinks of everything!".
Thanks Joe L!
"Sorry sir, I have been using your wife for a while, day and night. I am using when you are
not present at home. In fact, I am using more than you are using.I confess this now because
I feel very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies"
So the man shot his wife.
A few minutes later he received another message:
“Sorry sir, spelling mistake. It is wifi not wife.”
Labels: addiction joke